Thank (Based) God We Don't Pay To Watch You Fight

For those of us who had better things to do today than to watch the three playoff basketball games, kudos. For the rest of us, let us rehash on the ending of the only game that was competitive for the full 48 minutes. In case you didn't get the memo up to this point, Dwight Howard is a beast and Jamal Crawford has still got it. JC knocked down another clutch game winner to give his Hawks a 2-1 series lead going into game 4 on Sunday. Unfortunately, ESPN and your buddies won't be highlighting JC's late game heroics. Instead, the focus is bound to be the incident between Jason Richardson and Zaza Pachulia (and the potential suspensions that loom for each of them respectively).


First off, I don't know what the hell Zaza was thinking with the little head bumps (those aren't head butts, right Zidane?) he was throwing at J-Rich. I'm sure that we were all thinking the same thing during the alteration, "Zaza, what are you doing! Jason would knock you the fuck out!" And if it wasn't for Dwight Howard bear hugging Jason, I am sure that is exactly the result we would have seen. This got me in a conversation about NBA fights and how they've just been lacking in quality over the past decade. Now don't get me wrong, I don't watch the NBA for fights nor do I want any player on my beloved Lakers (yeah, I'm a Laker stan, you mad?) getting involved in one. But when you have athletes at the highest level of the game competing against one another, passions collide and emotions escalate. Imagine ten of the best librarians in the world in one library competing to be the champion librarian. You can bet your bookmarks (no, not your Internet ones) that shit’s going to get ugly.

We also have tons of film on what can only be described as "attempts" made by our favorite NBA players at the art known as fighting. There have definitely been some ridiculously outrageous fights throughout the history of the NBA. Here are my five favorite:

Shaquille O'Neal Vs. Brad Miller (and the world)

I just cannot imagine a scarier sight then Shaq coming down on you from behind (let alone with your back turned). Notice how the entire time you have players on both teams, refs, and other individuals all trying to lift Shaq out of the picture while he remains immovable and with his non-dominant hand securely latched onto what can only assume are the remains of Brad Miller. Also, R.I.P. Brad Miller's jersey.

Alonzo Mourning Vs. Larry Johnson & Jeff Van Gundy

"Fortunately for these guys they are both awful fighters"<- QFT (quoted for truth, get Internet savvy quick you pretty bitch). Zo was at a bit of a disadvantage having to wrestle away Charles Oakley with a grown man (by normal standards) clinging onto one of his legs. But seriously, when was the last time you saw a coach throw himself out there like that to break up a fight? JVG has been a legend in my book ever since. Victory to JVG.

Larry Bird Vs. Julius Erving (and a few of his teammates)

What was great about this one was that Larry Bird basically got held down in a choke hold by a few of Dr. J's teammates and Erving just threw haymaker after haymaker. Yet, the man known as White Jesus still had some fight left in him for some while afterwards.

Denver Nuggets Vs. New York Knicks

This one was just full of win. From the punch-and-run Melo had on Marty Collins, to Nate Robinson tackling JR Smith, to Jared Jeffries trucking a man and being held as he went to avenge his teammate, it was all just so beautiful.

The Malice At The Palace (Indiana Pacers Vs. The City of Detroit)

Just press play and let the nostalgia hit you.



*Disclaimer: I did not include "The Infamous Punch" by Kermit Washington on Rudy Tomjanovich for obvious reasons (straight up, you have no soul if you found amusement in it). However, there is a great book written on it titled The Punch by John Feinstein. A shameless plug from a Plug God. Feinstein, if you end up seeing this, a gift card to Elephant Bar is the least you could do. Also, I'm sure someone's going to mention why I didn't include Chris Childs clowning Kobe. I said these were my favorite, not the best. Criteria is different, but for what its worth, Kobe you cannot fight for shit.